“Since coming home, the group has been a constant source of encouragement. When our son started refusing to let me feed him, I turned to the group chat.”
“ Whether you’re a new Dad or have years under your belt, we all know the challenges. We’re a group of local Dads who have come together to create a space for real conversations.”
The For Dad’s Sake Team
For Dads Sake started when a group of new and experienced dads realised something simple: fatherhood doesn’t come with a manual - and sometimes you just need to talk to other dads who get it. We wanted to create a laid-back, judgement-free space where local dads can connect, talk honestly, and support each other. No pressure, no expectations. Just dads being dads.
“Since coming home, the group has been a constant source of encouragement. When our son started refusing to let me feed him, I turned to the group chat.”
“These were blokes dealing with the same chaos, the same self-doubt, the same deeply unglamorous reality of being a dad that nobody really warns you about beforehand.”
I was always very social, always out with more plans in the diary than I could attend.
Then Mia came along and life changed in the most amazing way. I love being a dad and the moments I have with Mia are the most important of every day, but it's easy for life to become routine as a dad.
Work, home…..work, home, mixed with the occasional play date or birthday party. I started to feel isolated but then the FDS guys met. We soon realised that dads find it harder to ask for help and noticed how much of the support for parents is aimed at the mum. We decided to discuss getting more dads together and 'For Dads Sake' was born.
I feel it's vital that dads have a space to be dads, to make connections and be honest with feelings and ask questions. It's been the best journey and I'm looking forward to continuing this with more dads.
I always wanted to be a Dad. When we found out we were pregnant I was over the moon, but with this excitement came the anxiety of 'what next?' We'd go to all the appointments together and it was amazing to see him on the screen - this tiny bean. When Nico was born it was incredible - Daniela smashed it! I was so, so proud.
After a few days we were home, and this is when I started to struggle. Nico wasn't sleeping or feeding and I hated seeing Daniela in pain- she had gone through so much. I remember feeling so drained and breaking down in front of my mother-in-law. I felt guiltily for feeing tired and just low. I had no one to speak to about what I was going through. We had meetings with the midwife and health care team and, rightly so, it was all aimed towards Daniela and Nico. They didn't check in with me. If FDS had existed at the time I would have been able to turn to the group chat to ask for advice, or for confirmation that how I was feeling was normal.
Things did start to get easier, but the 2 weeks paternity leave were over just as we were getting somewhere. Being back at work didn't help - especially as my employer at the time wasn’t very accommodating if I was tired from helping with night feeds or asked to flex my hours to attend an appointment. After a few more weeks of being back at work, I was then signed off with anxiety. This was the best thing that could have happened - I got to bond with Nico and it made me look after myself. Shortly after this, I found a new job and they are fantastic with the work life balance - allowing me to be more present with Nico and the day to day routine.
At the time I did confide in some of my closest mates, including Ben. I started to take Nico to Frome Town Football Club on a Saturday - Ben invited his brother-in-law Alex, and Alex brought his friend Max. I wasn’t a big fan of meeting new people - again my anxiety takes over - but this group felt different. We ended up sharing stories and it was like we had all known each other for years. The next time we met up we decided we needed to create something for Dads feeling how we had felt - this is when FDS was born. I'm so proud of what we've achieved. I have grown in confidence and I love meeting new people now, and I hope we can offer the same support for the Dads who join us. These lads are my best mates and I'm so happy we started FDS.
I am a proud father to two beautiful little girls whom I love with all of my heart, and no one can really ever tell you what that feels like until you feel it. Having said that, they also can't tell you how hard it can be at times.
I have found both of my children challenging in very different ways. With our first, it was extremely difficult to get her to sleep and we struggled with it for a long time. Having a physical job, sometimes working long hours, meant that for a long time, the only time I got to spend with Evelyn was the half an hour or so before bed time which, unfortunately, was mostly taken up with her being extremely upset. She struggled with sleep and settling down - we tried everything we could until we found something that worked.
With my second it was very different. She slept well and was very easy going, but the challenges came from my wife suffering with PPA. In order to support her during this time I did as much as I physically could. Sometimes that would mean doing dishes or getting lunches prepared until 11pm, knowing that our eldest would be up between 5am and 6am. I was exhausted and drained all the time.
We got through those times, but it was extremely and sometimes I felt completely lost or that I wasn't good enough. I then met the other founders of FDS and through growing a friendship with them, realised that they had been through tough times of their own. Not always the same issues, but their own struggles. After a while, we all realised that we could have all used a support network when going through those rough times and thought we couldn't be alone!
I think being able to share our own experiences and perspectives can be massively helpful - knowing you aren't alone and that we’ve all had those doubts about being a father. For me, the chance to share and take on other people's perspectives is very important.
As a child, I was lucky enough to experience the power of community very early on, with big group holidays - not to far away places but camping down the coast, with 50-100+ family or extended friendship groups, rain or shine, hail or lightning.
I learned early on that a problem shared is a problem halved and I have lived by that motto through my adult life - when life has got me down, the earlier I have spoken about something, the lighter it has become and when I didn't, the longer I held it in, the heavier it weighed.
Which is where getting involved in FDS came along...
We were a bit late to the party with the whole baby thing, at 36 - all of our school friends have had kids a few years now!
Having grown up in Frome and Westbury, but lived in London for several years, my wife and I always wanted to raise our kids in the West Country and moved back a few years ago, so I was keen to connect up with other Dads in the local area, to meet up with other Dads of all stages.
It has been great over the last 12 months to see experienced dad's sharing advice, dad's meeting other dad's at the same stages and even brand new dads (or soon to be dads) coming along for that bit of advice - we can't claim to solve Mental Health challenges, we are not doctors - but we can offer a place for dads to come and chat, free of any stigma and a place for dads to share their stories.